Saturday, August 19, 2017

The End of (My) Days

This may be my last post. As many of you are aware, I have had three partial mastectomies over that last year or so to get rid of tumors. But, when I finally relented and allowed them to do radiation treatments, they found that my lungs had twenty tumors in them. The radiologist more or less freaked, and stopped everything and dumped me into palliative care. That means they don't do any more medical treatments and just watch you deteriorate. But, my oncologist scheduled all sorts of scans. Then they found that in addition to the ones in my lungs, I also have one on the tip of my thigh bone and a huge one covering about 60% of my liver. It is about the size of a nerf football. Or at least it was. Now if feels as if it is bigger.

It's funny. Over the years we have been trying to prepare for all sorts of situations. But, terminal illness wasn't part of them. When I found out that I was dying, I booked a cruise for myself and my son and went up the inner passage to Alaska. I am so glad that I did. It was really fun. If you would like to go on a cruise, I recommend checking out You can book cruises at half the cost. That's what we got, and our stateroom was outstanding.

I want to tell you how important you are to me. Several of us have been together for years. We have truly become friends and a cyber-tribe. The hardest part of this situation is saying good-by to all those I love. My hope is that I can go out with some sort of grace. You know me. I think in movies. So, I have been watching a lot of movies dealing with death. One good one was “Last Taxi to Darwin” or something like that. My new hobby is writing reviews of movies I've watched on Netflix.

Anyway, I am not the only one for whom it is the Last Days. With all the hostility being generated between us and North Korea, Russia, and China, a big war could break out any time. The “Deep State” or The Powers that Be (TPTB) seem set on it. And, George Soros seems to be backing the destabilization of the country, just as he has done in many others. I wish I knew of somewhere his nefarious plans did not work. The globalists seem determined to break up the nation states and implement a New World Order where the banks and corporations can rule with impunity.

I call it the Kali Yuga – The Hindu Last Days. Corruption and perversion rule the day. Christians are looking at The Rapture. All cultures have predictions of the End of Days, and I think most of them are agreeing that this is it. And we thought Peak Oil was going to be bad. Politically, it is even worse. President Trump is beset on all sides. Whether you support him or not, we should all be outraged that the Deep State is determined to disallow the results of the presidential election. It is jaw-dropping to me that the Democrats and Republicans in Name Only (RINOS) are determined to take out Trump. Congresspeople are calling for his assassination. Celebrities and actors call for his death. And none of them has been tried for sedition.

It remains to be seen whether the second amendment will come into play here. We have the right to bear arms, if you will remember, so that if necessary we can “defend the security of the free state.”

We are threatened on all sides. The economy is on the brink of failure. Yellowstone could erupt at any time. The eclipse might cause all kinds of problems. The poles seem to be shifting. And, I guess it won't be long before we know if Nibiru is actually coming. Then, of course, there is Fukushima destroying the fish in the ocean, melting the starfish in the tide pools - and giving people like me cancer.

Pardon my negative attitude. People tell me to keep a positive outlook, but I just want to give them the finger.

Well, Dear Ones, I do want you to know that I love you and I will miss you when I am gone. It's been a good run for us as we have held each others hands during the work up to all of this. I wish you all the very best and hope that you will be safe and figure a way to make things better.


Anonymous said...

Very sorry to hear this. I recently had a brush with the Grim Reaper myself, I guess we all get caught in the end. And inevitable as it may be, it’s often the last thing we’re planning for. We are alive until we finally aren’t. As we collectively approach the nadir of this Great Cycle, a “negative attitude” often seems like simple realism, especially in the face of the Disneyesque patina and posture of denial that covers much in the Land of the Free.

I’m reminded of an old Rodney Dangerfield joke - “They told me to cheer up, things could be worse. And they were right - I cheered up and things got worse.”


freeacre said...

Ha! You got me chuckling. Thanks for the message.
I wish you well.

rockpicker said...

No one will ever eclipse your light, freeacre.

freeacre said...

Thanks, Pal.

On another note, unless Trump has the poppy fields destroyed in Afghanistan, I will believe that the real war we are fighting is to hold on to the heroin trade.

Hotspringswizard said...

Hello Freeacre, I had been wondering just today about you and Murph, whether you might have gone up a bit north of where you are to see the full eclipse. I hope you are not experiencing too much pain. Glad to know you got a chance to go on that trip with your son. Did you and Murph end up moving from La Pine up to the Bend area? I am glad I got a chance to visit and stay at your place on that one trip on my way to Burning Man. I enjoyed our time by the fire out back, and you drumming adding to the special ambience :)

I will be 60 in January and I think more at times about how I am getting closer to the challenges that health difficulties do bring us all eventually. I think each day of being thankful for thus far having good health, good friends and family to spend time with, and having the experience I been fortunate enough to have had in my life. I know youv'e experience very much of these things yourself having read about them here and there in your missives. As you mention I too hope I will to be able to travel the journey to my final days in grace, but that remains to be seen.

So many events ( and people ) increasingly going haywire in this world, I feel like I am in the middle of some great hurricane, somehow in its eye for now which is getting smaller around me as the world situation unwinds. I hear the howling winds of the storm, getting louder and louder but its not here to me, yet. I learn what I can about it all, think of what I can or might do. And then older age comes creeping along and options that once were there fade away.

Living a life of relative simplicity is something that brings me solace and peace. Everything, especially all the material can be gone/taken from ones life so quickly. Simple experiences, like tomorrow when I will hike to Deep Creek, sit next to the stream under the shade of a Sycamore Tree, eat my lunch, dip in the creeks cool waters, watch my pooches play, all the while being mesmerized by the beauty, that to me is priceless time.

I wish that the world would not be such a clusterfuck, but that is the nature of the human spcies ( in general ), which is causing this spiral into such mayhem. Its easy to slide into a mental place of feeling down about it all. Its harder for some than for others, like Ruppert, he finally could not take it any more. I see Nina's blog is quiet, I wonder how she is doing. Kulturcritic, nothing posted for quite a while. Survival Acres gone, then more recently back up again, but he of course understandably is not happy about whats occurring, who with any sense would be. Guy McPherson's tried to check out from the matrix early figuring it was the way to go and it has not worked out like he expected, he is now residing in Costa Rica.

People get tired of all the constant dystopian developments and find other things to do with their time like living in the moment and making their way forward the best they can, enjoying what they can, while they are still able. From what I know, see, this unraveling is about to pick up speed in ernest. Humans have gone further and further out on the limb, kicked the can down the road over and over, but, the chickens are coming home to roost soon. Ah, three cliches in one sentence, heck, that even scares me ;)

I have been here at TCC for a good while. I don't comment too much but I do regularly check in to see what " RP " is posting, or the occasional post from Stoney who always cracks me up :) I just watched the newer Mad Max movie and I think Stoney was in there somewhere with his gun held high yelling " bring it on you fuckers!! ", the Deep State is going down! :)

Tell Murph Hi for me, I hope he is Ok. Always good to hear your thoughts and musings Freeacre, carry on, I know you are special, unique, and precious! Love, Van :)

rockpicker said...

Looks like the Deep State's winning, to me.

"Liberals" break up a free speech rally in Boston?

Witnesses claim BLM and KKK tee-shirts off-loaded from the same buses in Charlottsville?

Populists and nationalists are not our enemies. Globalists promising fascist totalitarianism,
to the exclusive benefit of the less than one percent, are the enemy.

Antifa, and its sympathizers, are spectacularly inarticulate and seemingly unaware of how they're being duped and used by Soros, the Clintons, the D.S. and all the other thieves and child molesters who plot to control humanity.

I agree with you, Hotsprings. Time is running out...

rockpicker said...

More fodder for the crickets to chew on.

Rick said...

My wish is you take solace in my dream your departure from this mortal coil is peaceful and as pain free as you want. You and Murph live quite close to me and I've sporadically followed your blog. My Mom died in Bend with hospice. It was a very sad time of my life and my up close view of what happens at the end when people have no money. Your efforts to make a go of it where you live perhaps would have been a good guide if their was a future for any to practice it in.
Back when I was still main lining hope, I hosted Guy McPherson for a tiny time and then passed him onto his next host. I still have a slip now and then, but know for keeps, hope is for dopes. So I keep counsel with my favorite tree, talk to my dogs often, and listen for the changes portrayed in the breezes.
Sending compassion, and mindful meditation. Murph is free to contact me for any meager help if just an empathetic ear. rick, maggie, clyde and crabby abby.

freeacre said...

I'm signing up for hospice tomorrow. Fell and broke my leg, for one thing. Liver tumor is trying to break through the very sensitive membrane that protects it. Got enough pain killers to start to appreciate the moment.

We have philosopher kings here. Maybe we could put together a little booklet of shared quotes or thoughts.

freeacre said...

My new theory: "If you look hard enough, you will find that Samuel L. Jackson is somewhere in every movie that has ever been made." And, Wisdom from Grandma Pam: "You can eat anything if you put enough salt on it."
Maybe we could get together for a visit, Rick. It was such a pleasure to meet Hot Springs Wizard, Rickpicker and Oldensoul, Montana, and Lucretia and her husband, Garret.

Hotspringswizard said...

Thanks Freeacre :)Guy McPherson has endured so many personal attacks because of the information he tries to convey. He thinks because of the many climate feedback loops that are developing, and in play already, that it will cause an extinction event for humanity in ten years or so. I think the climate meltdown is dire too. Will it go the way Guy thinks? We shall see. Yesterday I sent Guy a message at his Face Book page, letting him know my disgust with the various people who disparage him regularly. Many of them are so venomous in their attacks, he does not deserve this. Disagreeing is one thing, but these people are just plain vicious. He sent me back a reply which simply said " Thank You ". Today I see he has posted this at his website,

" Appreciate the moment ", I see that for some people they think this means giving up, or not trying anymore. That is not what it is, in my opinion. Like my time at Deep Creek on Thursday. Most times its just me, my three pooches, and a beautiful stream environment all around me that the word " mesmerizing " only somewhat captures. I do not feel alone because I am surround by living things, life in the motions of the moment ". So many facets to the experience, like the myriad insects that emerge late in the day, glinting like sparkling stars in the bright light of the low angle sun. I feel really fortunate to have such time, looking at everything through those magic orbs we have, our eyes, immersed in the simplicity . Its a true treasure that gets taken in to my being, whatever I am, maybe as per quantum physics, just an illusion after all. People will go by different paths on into this future before us. My path is learning the way of being simple, what that ends up meaning for my own nature. I good book of thoughts on this subject is by Cecil Andrews, Less is More.

Our Queensland Healer is barking out the back door just now. She is telling me she wants to come in, visit, and get a treat :) Take care FA, and I hope you post your thoughts from time to time, when you feel like it of course :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Freeacre,
You may not remember me but I visited you and Murph about eight years ago, in July, 2009. Although I’ve been so busy with my own life since then, fixing up a ramshackle old property in rural Kentucky, I fondly recall that visit. Even though I had to sleep in that cruddy little trailer in the yard, in which my head touched the ceiling, you both were so kind and welcoming and were excellent hosts. You took me to the lava park and the river. I felt a genuine connection with you two, as well as your lovely dog, Brie, and was surprised how much we have in common, such as a passion for movies. Even now I’m transferring my large DVD collection to a small hard disk drive, which is an incredible technological advance but seems much less important at the moment.
Although I have not been in contact all these years, I visit your web site from time to time. When I visited it today after many months I was deeply saddened to hear of your health troubles. In the years elapsed since I visited you guys my younger sister died of cancer, actually the chemotherapy. Someone made the observation that the “bad guys are winning,” and I couldn’t agree more. It’s saddening and even dispiriting to watch the good guys fall while the bad guys prevail. I just hope this is the bleakest period before things start to get better.
Regardless of what happens next, I just wanted you to know that I’m thankful for our brief encounter way back when and even though we haven’t been in contact, you are in my thoughts.

freeacre said...

It's funny. I think of you regularly, but I could not remember your name. Didn't you have a beautiful blogsite with gorgeous pictures of flowers and stuff? And, you gave us some mules ears as flowers, which are still growing.
Sorry to hear of your sister dying. People are dropping like flies around here.

Thanks for touching base.

Anonymous said...

Yes, that's me. I still have my blog but I haven't been doing much writing because I sort of ran out of things to write about. The world is on a trajectory that's long been clear enough to anyone paying attention and will never be clear to those who wish to remain willfully blind. If you send me your e-mail address (dave1 @ I'll send you some photos of my property.

rick said...

The critters and I live in Rural Jackson County about a hour from Crater Lake. If your health and mobility allow, yes come see us and this farm I found with some views that are just magical. However medical help for anything much more than a splinter is a hour away. This property after being stolen fair and square was awarded as a 160 acre land grant, I have a copy signed by T. Roosevelt. Very quiet, dead end road. When folks get home from jobs, the traffic noise goes away, and the sounds of night are clear.

rockpicker said...

Please, demonstrate your interest.



rockpicker said...

You Can't Fix Stupid

rockpicker said...

The name Irma means "war goddess."

rockpicker said...

Check out the color-coded weather map of North America on Suspicious Observers today. High pressure over the north Atlantic. High pressure over the plains. (We felt the wind in western Montana early Monday a.m., as it came through. High that was parked off the west coast is now completely gone, without a trace, except for the burning forests in its wake.

East coast is totally vulnerable, sandwiched between two high pressure systems. Gosh, where do you suppose Irma will go?

freeacre said...

Two huge CME's from the Sun today. Grid may be affected.

CME's, hurricanes, North Korea, wild fires, earthquakes.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

freeacre said...

Hey, Stoney,

Are you hunkering down or going to evacuate?

rockpicker said...

State of the Nation on weaponized cell phone towers.

rockpicker said...

"This is really a no-brainer at this point. James Comey, Bob Mueller, Hillary Clinton, and their hundreds of criminal colleagues need to stand trial in front of a military tribunal for treason. It really is as simple as that, folks. These criminals have pretended to be faithful Americans, but are nothing more than domestic terrorists and traitors to our country. This is ugly business, but one that needs to be faced. Please make sure your elected representatives get a copy of the citizen intelligence report below and demand that they start doing their jobs."

- AIM4Truth

rockpicker said...

Next time someone suggests you're whacko for even mentioning geoengineering, hand 'em a copy of this list.