Saturday, April 9, 2011

You MIght Be a Survivalist If....

Well, we are over a hundred comments on the previous post, murph's computer is all FUBAR, and I just don't have any time to write. So, I thought I'd refresh the conversation with a little comic relief. I got this from Survival Mom, who also seems to have poached it from Today's Survival Show. So, thanks and all credit to them. I'm sure we can all add to the list with our own preparations and efforts. I have a question, though. What's that guy holding up in the bag?


Thanks to Bob Mayne over at Today’s Survival Show podcast for putting this together. How did he know I save my dryer lint??
If you’re not sure of some of his abbreviations, check out The SurvivalBlog Glossary.

You have a cookbook all about Spam.

You consider your extra large ham radio antenna as “broadband”.

You know how to cook leather.

You’ve ever been on a Soviet “Potential Threat” list.

SWAT has ever asked to borrow a few of your guns.

Your new girlfriend comes over for the first time, and when she walks into the living room, the first thing she sees is your CHL regulation Man sized target with 50 holes in the chest area.

Your dog has more Emergency Rations than 95% of the U.S. population.

You’re the first person at the gun range on Dec 26th to try out your new toys, and the clerk knows you by your first name

The local supermarket manager knows to go ahead and open up the back dock doors when he sees you on a shopping trip.

Your home and property are more secure and better lit than Fort Knox or Area 51.

All the local restaurants know to save you all their 5-gallon buckets on Mondays and Thursdays.

None of your vehicles have electronic ignition or pollution control.

You know the tail numbers of all the helicopters in your area.

The magazines on your coffee table include American Survival Guide, Guns and Ammo, Soldier of Fortune, American Rifleman, Shotgun News and 4 -Wheeler.

You welcome a “mild” El Nino storm because you know its going to fill your cistern.

The power fails in your local movie theater, and you pull your flashlight from your belt and show yourself the way out.

You use your Gerber Tool to cut your steak at a fine dining establishment.

Your knife collection has its own footlocker.

When people ask about all those colorful maps on your walls, you tell them that you are planning a “Fishing Expedition”.

You can recognize the sound of a generator from four blocks away, but you also can tell the brand, horsepower and kilowatts per hour that it is putting out.

You have to kill a snake in your front yard, but then you skin and eat it.

You stock up on kerosene and firewood in 102 degree summer heat.

Your homeschooled children score in the 99 percentile on their SAT’s.

Your To Do list includes changing the batteries on the seismic ground sensors surrounding your home.

Your shopping list includes numbered items like .22, .308., .357 and 7.62

Your shopping list includes body armor.

Your scanner includes the frequencies of every law enforcement agency within 100 miles, including the ones that don’t officially exist.

Those maps on your wall have every bridge marked in red, with an alternate path marked around it.

Your paper boy throws the paper into the barbed wire just for the heck of it.

You have a key fob that says, “What Would John Wayne Do?”

Your fence posts double as range markers.

The window shutters have firing ports included in their design.

You have “ammo” on your Christmas list.

You’re on a first name basis with every vendor at a gun show.

You can’t put your groceries in the trunk of the car because its already jammed full with emergency kits, first aid supplies, and fully-stocked BOBs.

You have emergency rations for your pets, and view your pets as potential emergency rations.

You know the news three days before it hits the mass media.

You have back-up plans for your back-up plans.

You’re convinced you’ve been exposed to so many chemical-trails, you consider it a form of birth control.

You’ve ever bought antibiotics for human use through a vet or grains for human consumption through a feed store.

You’ve got more than one grain mill.

You’ve ever wondered how you might filter the used water from your washing machine to make it fit for human consumption.

You have a kerosene lamp in every room.

Your living room coffee table is actually a board with pretty cloth over it to disguise your food storage underneath.

Your box springs are Rubber Maid containers filled with rice and beans.

You save dryer lint to make fire starters.

Your most commonly used fuel additive is Stabil, instead of Gum-out.

You automatically choose the heavy duty flatbed cart upon entering Sam’s or Costco.

You know the shelf life of tuna fish, but don’t know how long you’ve had that open jar of mayo in the fridge.

Your basement walls are insulated with crates of toilet paper, from floor to ceiling, all the way around.

Other people are saving money for new furniture or vacations, but you are desperately saving to get solar panels put on your house.

You were excited beyond all reason when they came out with cheddar cheese in a can.

You’ve ever served MREs at a dinner party.

You can engage in a spirited debate on chemical vs. sawdust toilets for hours on end.

You’ve ever considered digging an escape tunnel from your basement to the nearest stand of trees.

You know how to use a vacuum cleaner in reverse to filter air in your designated bio-chem attack safe room.

You’ve ever considered buying an above-ground pool for water storage purposes.

You know what things like ‘TSHTF’, ‘BOB’, ‘GOOD’, and ‘TEOTWAWKI’ mean and routinely use them in conversations.

You have different grades of BOB’s. And re-stock them twice a year.

You know the names, family histories, locations, and degree of readiness of over a thousand fellow doomers on the internet, but you’ve never met your neighbors.

The best radio in the house is a wind-up.

You have better items in storage than you use everyday.

If the SHTF, you would eat better than you eat now.

Your significant other gave you a sleeping bag rated at -15 degrees for Christmas, and you were moved beyond words.

You’ve sewn secret mini-BOBs into the bottom of your children’s school backpacks.

Local food pantries have come to depend on donations from your larder when you rotate stock in the spring and fall.

You’re still using up your Y2K supplies.

You have enough army surplus equipment to open a store.

The local army surplus store owner knows you by your first name.

When you fill up when your gas tank, it’s already 3/4 full.

You call Rubber Maid for wholesale prices.

You have several cases of baby wipes and your kids are all grown.

You carry a pocket survival kit, a sturdy folding knife, a Sure Fire flashlight and a small concealed handgun to church every Sunday.

You start panicking when you are down to 50 rolls of toilet paper.

You keep a small notebook to write down any edible plants you happen to see along the road.

You shop yard sales, store sales, and markdown racks for bartering goods .

You own a hand-operated clothes washer and a non-electric carpet sweeper.

You have at least two of every size of Dutch oven (the ones with the legs on the bottom), and 20 bags of charcoal, although you have a gas grill.

You have rain barrels at each corner of your house although you have a city water hookup, and a Big Berkey to purify the water.

You have sapphire lights, survival whistle, and a Swiss Army knife on every family member’s keychain.

The people in line at Costco ask if you run a store or restaurant.

You require a shovel to rotate all your preps properly.

You no longer go to the doctor’s because you can either fix it yourself, make it at home, or know and understand the physicians desk reference better than he does, and can get the goods at the vets or pet store for MUCH less money anyway.

You know that GPS has nothing to do with the economy.

You track your preps on a computer spreadsheet for easy reordering, but have hard copies in a 3-ring binder, ‘just in case’.

You’ve thought about where the hordes can be stopped before entering town.

You start evaluating people according to ‘skill sets’.

You view the nearest conservation area as a potential grocery store if TSHTF.

You know *all* the ways out the building where you work.

You have enough pasta stockpiled in your basement to carbo-load all the runners in the New York marathon.

You know that you have 36 gallons of extra drinking water in the hot water tank and your 2 toilet tanks.

You know which bugs are edible.

You have a hand pump on your well.

You have #10 cans of ‘stuff’ that the labels fell off of, but you won’t throw it out or open it because it, ‘may be needed later’, even though you haven’t a clue as to the contents.

You know where the best defensive positions and lines of fire are on your property.

You’ve made a range card for your neighborhood.

Your toenail clipper is a K-BAR.

The Ranger Handbook is your favorite self-help book.

You’ve numbered the deer romping in the yard by their order of consumption.

You must move 50 cases of food for the plumber to get to that leaky pipe, and you have your own hand truck in the basement to do it.

You own more pairs of hiking boots than casual and dress shoes combined.

You have more 55 gallon blue water drums than family members.

You have a backup generator for your backup generator, which is a backup for your solar energy system.

You go to McDonalds and ask for one order of fries with 25 packs of ketchup and mustard.

You have ever given SPAM as a serious gift.

You’ve had your eye out for a good deal for a stainless steel handgun to conceal in the bottom of the magazine rack next to the toilet.

You are single male over 40, but you still have an emergency childbirth kit, just in case you have to deal with that possibility.

You have two water heaters installed in your basement, but one is a dummy that’s been converted to a hideaway safe.

You’ve made bug-out cargo packs for your dogs.

You have a walking stick with all sorts of gadgets hidden inside.

You’re a substitute scoutmaster, and you taught your son’s troop to set mantraps and punji pits, and haven’t been asked to stand in since.

You’re on your fifth vacuum sealer, but you keep at least one of the worn out ones because you can still seal up plastic bags with it.

You haven’t bought dried fruit in years, but you buy fresh bananas, apples, peaches and pears by the case and have three dehydrators.

Your UPS man hates you because of all the cases of ammo he’s had to lug from his truck to your front door.

You have duplicates of all your electronics gear, solar panels and generator parts in your EMP-shielded fallout shelter.

You have set aside space for your live chickens in the fallout shelter.

When the power goes out in your neighborhood, all the neighbor’s kids come over to your place to watch TV on generator power.

You must open the door to your pantry very carefully for fear of a canned goods avalanche.

You have a ‘Volcano’, you know you can cook anything, and you cast evil glances at your neighbor’s annoying, yappy poodle, muttering, “Your day will come, hotdog”.

You’ve learned to make twine from plant fibers to be used for snares because you fear that all of your preps and hard work will be confiscated by FEMA troops or destroyed by earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear blasts, ravening hordes of feral sheeple or reptiloids from ‘Planet X’

The Police Chief calls you to find out what guns to buy for their officers.


Anonymous said...

What's that guy holding up in the bag? Looks like wild mushrooms to me :-)


freeacre said...

lol...mushrooms! I think you are right.

I can add to the list:

You learn how to tan hides and make a quilt out of them because you can't abide wasting the rabbit pelts that you've raised for food.

You have an Amish dipper to bring water from your well in case the electricity goes down.

You decorate your hen house with anarchist literature.

You have a water filter big enough to service your neighbors as well as yourself in case of emergencies.

You count your wealth in metals and in food.

You only have cast iron pots and pans.

You've thrown out your microwave oven and canceled your DISH TV.

You season everything with iodine (kelp).

You have a Trout Clan tattoo...

murph said...

Hah! I have a few of my own

You have the complete manual to transform a Kerby vacuum into a full automatic rifle.

You have studied the martial arts but know that a semi auto pistol is much more positive.

The gun rack in you pickup is never empty

During a credit crunch, local law enforcement borrow ammo for practice.

Your combat pistol range is used by local law officers.

You know how to suture up a wound.

You have multi purposes for almost everything you own.

You have redundancy as a religion.

Will (Astra Navigo) said...

Too funny!

(Hey. I can actually lay claim to doing a few of these....)

Anonymous said...

wv... asperhed. no. more likely HSW is correcto... its 'rooms hangin in the bag. and definitly a dog danglin from it... p

Anonymous said...

I bet he's holding a bag full of electronic sensing devices cunningly designed to look like 'shrooms. Yeah. Darpa muscaria.


RAS said...

I think it's mushrooms in the bag, but I doubt they're legal, lol...

Anonymous said...

Speaking of survival, check this out...


wv= whinestr (guilty)

Anonymous said...

Uh, run that by me again...


wv= earofol (quite an...)

RAS said...

RP, there are some mushroom species that produce a psychedelic high and are thus illegal. (Even though they grow wild in the woods in Tennessee.) That's what I meant.

freeacre said...

Can't have the sheeple taking those "magic" mushrooms and then noticing the cracks in the cosmic egg, now can we ras?

Woke up to no water this morning due to frozen pipes at the well head. Darn this ice age...

Anonymous said...

FA, better tap into that caldera for a little geothermal assist.

Ras, you're talkin' magic now.


Anonymous said...

From the looks of it, Mr Pirate Man has already consumed a few of his Special Shrooms :-)


Palooka's Revenge said...

HSW... i was thinking the same thing!

entheogenic schrooms.. the fly agaric, aka the red mushroom, is one and the only one that remains psychotropically active having gone thru the the body's processing of it. iow, eat em and get high. collect the urine, drink it, and get high again.

it has mid-winter spiritual significance with a certain nomadic reindeer hearding tribe of siberia. acvcording to legend, the shaman, having taken the red 'room, flys to the top of the yurt, enters thru the smoke hole, shinnies down the main support birch pole bringing with him gifts of abundance from the spirit of the red 'room.

jolly man dressed in red who can fly amongst reindeer brings gifts down the chimney... p

RAS said...

Yeah, I was thinking that too, lol.

Anonymous said...

Man, that is one whacked interpretation in support of a loony conspiracy theory, almost as good as the the Egyptian tomb carvings used to support the whacked concept of the 'tenth' planet. Everybody knows that can't be true. Academia safeguards our culture's traditions, and woulda told us if those stories were valid.

-red-blooded Murican

freeacre said... So nice to hear from a real "red-blooded Merican." After all, you've been "right" so often,... Ha! OK, Randy...

Anonymous said...

You know, the dude in the picture looks like Spricoli from "Fast Times At Ridgemont High."

"Waaahh.... Yo, I got some shrumes, dude."


Anonymous said...

What's in the bag?...It looks like pool balls, you know from a pool table? His eyes are comic aren't they. Might as well be shrooms.

Spring has sprung here, blooming all over and some birdies are making a nest above our garage, looks like same Robbins from last year. Looking forward to easter bunny bringing me some chocolate. cheers, mrsp

Alan Donelson said...

Hey ho, where do we go, when the seas rush in, seasons refuse timely arrival, fruit trees getting confused, bee-less, so fruit-less, chemcloudy days the norm from dawn to dusk....

I'm checking in after a long orbit about the Sun, which I understand is getting antsy, perhaps millenially so, I thank Freeacre and Morph and ALL of you campfire gadflies for keeping this space open and free -- and in existence.

Not that I haven't e-spied to keep tabs, read the meandering thoughts and reactions and prognostications on occasion. All coinkydinky with what I see, hear, and expect.

Here on Soleil Farm, Grandmama Hen chose to pull back from unsustainable, no-economy-of-scale growth that led us to care for 400+ chickens, several breeds of turkeys numbering close to 100, emus up the wazoo (only takes 5 to 7, by the way), selling 150 dozen eggs a week, washed and cartoned and....Why are we doing this for no pay for our time? Joel Salatin, who blessed nearby Grass Valley (aptly named) with his presence and talk, would laugh, sympathetically, to be sure. Great soul, Joel!!

Meanwhile, I held forth with the task of earning increasingly worthless, still needed FedResDebtNotes. Successfully. Gets old, like me. And increasingly pointless.

HalfPastHuman's the extreme (GOD bless Clif High), but hey, try ANY link on, even when the Dees Illustration doesn't depress you too much to carry on with the A.M. news gathering. As if Doom & Gloom is new information! As dear wife, Grandmama Hen always asks, "Well, what are you going to do about THAT, today?!"

I finally did something about the pervasive, invasive chemclouds. I was one of many "funding angels" of G. Edward Griffin's DVD "What in the World are They Spraying", affectionately known as WITWATS. Go to his Reality Zone/Unfiltered News site [as if you haven't been there!!] and get a copy to copy for all your (still blind) friends, relatives, and neighbors. Sigh....

Blessings, all.

Glad to be among the Clan, around the campfire. It's a comfort.


Anonymous said...

The BRICS countries which are Brazil, Russia, India, China and newly joined South Africa just had a big leaders meeting ( in China if I remember correctly ). CCTV ( Chinese cable news TV ) were reporting pretty extensivly on this meeting during this last week.

These countries it was discussed compromise 40% of the world's population. They represent power centers/nations coming together which will in many ways challenge the long held dominance of the US and European economic cooperative union of interest.

I noticed in the various interviews with the attending members of the Brics that increased consumption and accelerating growth is definitely a big part of their agenda.

This illustrates the idea I brought up regarding that Kulturcritic missive, were a point was made about how many of the poorer folks and countries in this world till this time who have not benifited from all of the perks of being powerful developed country citizens, desire to now gain the " good life " for themselves.

Its just more evidence of increased consumption even as critical resources are reaching or have already passed their peaks. Its like a crazy race to exhaust the potential of the Earth to support humanity, a competition of pursueing infinite growth with mindless abandon.

Its of course understandable that the poorer countries, poorer peoples would want a better and easier life for themselves too, but the biosphere clearly won't have enough natural wealth left to provide for the BRICS grand plans.


Anonymous said...

Some video's here of Catherine Austin Fitts where she discusses the PTB machinations to puposely collapse the American economy and destroy the middle class. May be of interest to some visitors to the campfire new to this:

The Looting Of America


Anonymous said...

Freeacre and Murph, it appears my posting around 10PM aprox, on 4-16 got Spamotized :-) Info concerned some videos from Catherine Austin Fitts.


Anonymous said...

I like the style of this writer and his shared musings:

Interstates and States of Grief

....I try to resist losing myself to misanthropic rage when I read statistics such as this one. Yet I am enraged at the waste -- the sheer stupidity, mendacity, and hubris of it all. I want to grab the human race by the lapels and shout, "Stop it. God damn it. Just stop it. How could you destroy something so beautiful and then just continue to go through your sub-cretinous day? What the hell is wrong with you? Didn't anyone ever teach you the meaning of decency?.....

which reminds me of what I wrote in my previous post " a competition of pursueing infinite growth with mindless abandon "


murph said...


Yup, you got spamatized. Put it back up.

lol W V horsing

murph said...

Alan Donelson,

Thanks for the comment.

Had a chuckle over your term "grandma hen". Our grandma hen is named henny penny. She has no problem in attempting to correct my false impressions on how to live. Frequent conflicts arise.

You mention the striving to obtain ever decreasing value of federal reserve notes. If we really were into the accumulation of those notes, we sure wouldn't be doing the doomstead, farmlet kind of endeavors. Maybe we do it because it's the right thing to do?

The obvious lack of "normal" weather on this planet is going to be with us for a long time I suspect. Meanwhile, those with the means seem intent to destroy the environment. No end in sight on that issue.

In fact, it appears that there is no end in sight for all of the degradation issues for human life, except for the real doomers out there, that is, vast reduction in worlds population or even extinction, and that would be a rather emphatic ending.

You mentioned the chemtrail issue. I still come across people that think it is nonsense, even when the evidence is right in front of them. Oh well, count the number of times the tin foil hat people have been right in their dire predictions as opposed to the sheer number of predictions. Some have come to be true.

In actuality, the hippys from the the 60's & 70's were largely right, but now long forgotten.

Another interesting W V catmen

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Chemtrails:

Masters Of The World Meet To Play God With The Climate

.....are we really to believe that this "experimentation" has not already begun? Their own words and observable facts prove otherwise. The top contender for geoengineering on a planetary scale, according to the panel, is "stratospheric aerosol particles."....

.....control is hidden by our overseers in their "worry" that this new capability will lead to a Geoengineering Industrial Complex....


freeacre said...

I listened to all of that Catherine Austin Fitts video, Hot Springs, and am still haunted by it. Even though I knew most of the facts already, she has such a powerful presentation. That's one brilliant and courageous woman. I wish she was the president. Of course, she'd last about ten minutes. The soul-sucking scumbags sure have it all locked up.
Hey, a shout out to all those in tornado alley - you OK?

Anonymous said...

I hope people are watching this guy's work, because he seems to be on to something with his radar ring monitoring.

He claims ground-based radar installations are using unusual electromagnetic wave generation to create tornadic storms across the country. Isn't that friendly?


mrs p said...

Last Friday night on Bill Maher show,(HBO), he interviewed Machio Kaku about the Japanese nuke situation. Hang in long enough to hear what this great physicist has to say. Amazing that at a time of universal air pollution of the worst kind the GOP wants to do aways with the EPA. They may be weak and worthless but at least we had something. In addition to the video link below from HBO, Also check out Machio Kaku on the various other youtube's from ABC news. He's right about "time to call in the army!". mrs p, still taking kelp everyday. 2012 oh dear. wv: angsm